Some People Act Like Turkeys Funny Quotes
Johnny Carson on Thanksgiving reunions
"Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only in one case a twelvemonth. And then find once a year is mode besides ofttimes."—Johnny Carson
Nicole Hollander on Thanksgiving leftovers
"Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out."—Nicole Hollander
(Psst—hither'due south why you actually shouldn't wrap your leftovers in foil.)
Kevin James on Thanksgiving attire
"Thanksgiving, man. Non a adept 24-hour interval to exist my pants."—Kevin James
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Phyllis Diller on prepping the turkey
"I took me 3 weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed information technology through the beak."—Phyllis Diller
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Erma Bombeck on Thanksgiving gravy
"I come from a family unit where gravy is considered a potable."—Erma Bombeck
Tend to have trouble making it to the punch line? Endeavor memorizing these side-splitting short jokes!
Jim Gaffigan on Thanksgiving traditions
"The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how near at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every 24-hour interval!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of united states of america?"—Jim Gaffigan
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Mitch Hedberg on types of turkey
"If you lot stand in the meat section at the grocery shop long enough, you first to go mad at turkey. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, human, just be yourself."—Mitch Hedberg
Notice out themistakes everyone makes with sweet potatoes.
Jim Davis on the Thanksgiving menu
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I propose carrot cake, zucchini staff of life and pumpkin pie."—Jim Davis
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Ted Nugent on turkeys as a species
"If you desire to save a species, merely decide to eat it. So information technology volition be managed—like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese."—Ted Nugent
Detect out how a hair dryer could exist the secret to yourbest-always Thanksgiving turkey.
Rita Rudner on dwelling cooking
"Most turkeys taste better the twenty-four hours afterward; my mother's tasted better the 24-hour interval before." —Rita Rudner (Sounds similar these Thanksgiving turkey tips could come in handy!)
Kenny Rogerson on hunting your ain Thanksgiving turkey
"Terminal Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket but staring. Why track them when I know where they are?"—Kenny Rogerson
Check out fifty of thecorniest jokes always.
George Carlin on alternate Thanksgiving meals
"We're having something unlike this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You become more stuffing."—George Carlin
Try these quick tricks to make store-bought stuffing gustation bootleg.
Richard Roeper on the holiday flavor
"Fifty-fifty though we're a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, information technology'due south beginning to look a lot like Christmas."—Richard Roeper
Pretty before long, it'll be time for these funny holiday jokes!
Jay Leno on overeating at Thanksgiving
"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out."—Jay Leno
Non feeling the attitude of gratitude this year? Here are xxx+ reasons to be thankful this Thanksgiving.
Carl Sagan on apple pie recipes
"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must commencement invent the universe."—Carl Sagan
Psst—these are the all-time apples for apple pie!
Andre Kelley on Thanksgiving firsts
"I got to go dwelling house for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' tabular array. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to dice for me to movement up a plate."—Andre Kelley
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Michael Dresser on Thanksgiving every bit patriotism
"Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down banquet, the one occasion each twelvemonth when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty."—Michael Dresser
Check out thefunniest one-liners on the Cyberspace.
Irv Kupcinet on optimism
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Mean solar day." —Irv Kupcinet
Looking for more laughs? Here are the funniest Reader's Digest jokes of all time!
Howie Mandel on beingness south of the border for American Thanksgiving
"I'yard from Canada, and then Thanksgiving to me is just Th with more food. And I'one thousand thankful for that?"
Check out more hilarious jokes from Canada'south top comedians.
Stephen Colbert on the spirit of Thanksgiving
"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families beyond the country join together to raise obesity statistics." —Stephen Colbert
If you enjoyed these funny Thanksgiving quotes, don't miss this side-splitting roundup of Butterball turkey help line calls!
Originally Published: Oct 08, 2021
Source: https://www.readersdigest.ca/culture/funny-thanksgiving-quotes/
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